Photo credit: Gettyimages
Based on the stem thickness to height ratio, the banana ‘tree’ beats all others in the forest. Yet when it finally brings forth its own bunch of fingers, it requires props to carry it's own yield to maturity, without the props, it collapses mid-way and the harvest is lost. On the face value, it displays an above average strength, but when its strength is finally tested, it is either rescued by propping or it perishes with its yields - thanks to its pseudo stem!
Perhaps the newest attack on the marriage institution is the emergence of pseudo spouses. They walk in to it formally, but while in it, they resist the classical formation of 1+1=1. They therefore retain a high degree of independence especially where it matters most. On the outside, the 1+1=1 is overemphasized but in their day to day operations as man and wife, they (themselves) know it’s each man (or woman for that matter) for him or herself, the functional sum is always greater than one, but less than two or at the very worst equal to 2, where 2 theoretically signifies total independence and probably the closest hint at a likely divorce.
Photo: Courtesy
Dating is sweet, and the statuses prior to husband or wife say, girlfriend, fiancé etc. never come near what it means to be man and wife in a relationship wrapped securely in a solid a commitment. When two consenting adults get married, the former statuses are totally lost and a new status which then defines marriage, is formed. Humans should know better that the sweetness of a repeat action plateaus at some point, in the place of the lost sweetness, a more concrete shade of love sets in, and the union is strengthened further. Experts may prescribe flavors or accessories etc, but such can only secure the original utility, in practice, the incremental utility is irredeemable. Sweetheart, honey, babe, bae, and butternut are great, but by the time the substance that initially fueled the pet naming gives way, a habit is formed and ‘honey’ becomes a life-long label, courtesy of the habit - not the sweetness!
Photo: Courtesy
Marriage is a product of negotiation and as such, both parties take bold steps towards each other. Each one of them cedes ground. One cannot carry their independence into to the shared deal and still hope to have a marriage!
The pseudo spouses are hellbent to run their own schedules, manage their own monies, keep their own friends, maintain their own life patterns and basically live their own lives. But to ensure that they still have the cake that they munched on the wedding day, they become champions at publicly displaying affection for each other. To achieve this, they form a habit where the happier one of the two searches for the hand of the other, akin to how modern day gadgets search for wifi, and when they locate it, the swing that follows, crowns their walk on the public alleys, they leave the public drooling with admiration, yet in reality, one is pampered and the other is agonizing their way into a killer depression.
Photo: Courtesy
Pseudo spouses loan each other monies, and failure to refund can cause a conflict between them. For fear of conflict, the loaned party borrows externally, to pay internally. One party could be at one end of the city buying an exorbitant pair of shoes from an exclusive boutique, while the other is seated at the county benches on an empty stomach, running through the phone book, to see who they could easily borrow a thousand to fuel the car for that one day, hoping for a better tomorrow, then they end up driving home in the same car! So, one party lives from hand to mouth, while the other party continues to eat life with a big spoon and they are in a marriage! The marriage may not collapse, but both parties will always know that it stands, not on its own, but on props.
I say, the fiercest attack on the modern day marriage, is the upsurge of pseudo spouses, and they are spreading like bush fire!
Samora Salim is an accomplished Forestry, Agroforestry and Landscaping professional. Currently a Forester with Kenya Forestry Research Institute, and formerly an Agroforestry Field Technician - Trees For The future(TREES) and an Agroforestry Field Officer- Better Globe Forestry, besides an Intern Forester at Kenya Forest Service. He has over 6yrs experience in Plantation establishment &Management, Dryland Agroforestry, Environmental Conservation and Community Empowerment; with vast inclination to: Environment and Project Management, Monitoring and Evaluation, Farm Forestry, Soil and Water Conservation, Sustainable Energy Use, Social Entrepreneurship, Community Mobilization and Climate Change Mitigation Actions. He loves Conservational topic writing, Nature photography and Research Works.
